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 Glasses and Electric Tape: A Global Richard Patrick Conspiracy 01/10/02 | The Fun and Torture of Making a Website 1/30/02 | Rich's Wonderful Way With Words...Or Well, the Mystery of Some of Them. 3/3/02 | Proud of Being An Amalgamut...3/8/02 | Rich and His Immature Ideas....3/16/02 | Boy Bands and Their Mind Controlling Ways(ARewriteofaPreviousRambleThatIStupidlyDeleted..) 3/24/02 | Family Organizations Who Think Way Too Much of Themselves and Family and What I Think They Should Do | The History of the Rich Facts 4/10/02 | LazyChristianReviewersandTheirLackofComprehendableAnswerstoQuestionsAboutTheirSloppyReviews4/18/02 | The Rich Fact Webmistress and Her Clumsiness 4/20/02 | Are You Lucky Enough to Meet Filter? Here's Some Tips You Might Need. 4/26/02 | Frank's New Look and That Guy Wearing the "I Am Richard Patrick" Shirt. 5/1/02 | Happy Birthday Richie!!!! Gee, you're getting OLD! 5/10/02 | Copyright CDs and You. Oh and that Guy From Nine Inch Nails' Birthday. 5/17/02 | Record Labels and How They Function And Farewell to the X-Files 5/22/02 | Where the FUCK is the MP3?????!!!!??? 5/31/02 | The Fred Durst Controversy 6/5/02 | Thank You Richard 6/7/02 | As the Shit Hits the Fan, remember this. . .6/10/02 | Beavis and Butthead Watch Take A Picture 6/14/02 | Where Do We Go From Here??? Let Filter Take You There. 6/21/02 | Bananas and Tea!! Rich is NOT Demanding! As If! 6/28/02 | Because I'm bored and feel the need to write about it. 7/5/02 | So I Still Have Nothing To Talk About. Okay, I Do. 7/11/02 | Pre Concert Rambles and Funny Stories About KKCK's Crazy Suckiness 7/18/02 | The RFW Gets Lucky In Iowa. . .A RFW Concert Tale 7/26/02 | Extra, Extra READ All About IT!!! 8/2/02 | The Rockline Files 8/9/02 | The Lost Cs: Conan and Carson. . 8/17/02 | The RFW Goes to Get Her Learn On 8/24/02 | How YOU can help Filter to do their job BETTER 8/31/02 | Wanna know what would be cool??? No really! Wanna know?? 9/7/02 | Walkie Talkie Mayhem. . .9/15/02 | Stations, what other stations?? The RFW Rants About Radio Hell that is KKCK. 9/21/02 | Another Pre Filter Concert Ramble by the RFW 9/28/02 | It's Been One Of Those Weeks 10/5/02 | Get Well Richie!! 10/5/02 | Would you look at THAT! A New Consider This! 10/26/02 | The RFW Wants You!!!! 11/9/02
How YOU can help Filter to do their job BETTER 8/31/02

 

Now, not that Filter isn't doing their job well enough, here are some positions Rich and co. should think of hiring YOU(yes YOU) to help them do their job better. Hey, we all need jobs and why not help out Filter in the process?(Yeah, PAID webmaster oughta be one of 'em).

I'll tell you a few job positions Rich oughta consider for all of us to have.

1. Head Smacker. When Rich opens his mouth and out pours something stupid(ie: the shit in hotel rooms comments), someone oughta smack him just lightly. Really. There are times when he should be reminded that was a stupid thing to say. It was pointed out to me that Geno already holds this position, but let's face it folks, Geno can't be there ALL the time. He is a family man after all. So, you can get paid to be that person to remind Rich that he just said something stupid by giving him that polite smack. Of course, security might not like you very much, but hey, that's one of the hazards of the job! You know every job comes with its risks!

Job requirements:

The employee must be able to run FAST from security.

The employee must have enough common sense to know when something Rich has said is stupid or not.

And finally, the employee must not hit too hard. Hitting too hard can slosh his brain and make more stupid remarks pour forth. Really, we're just trying to get his attention here, not make him into some boxing type moron.

Pay: $25,000/year

2. Megaphone Confiscator. That's right. This one is paired with the above job in many ways, because the stupid things can become amplified by this handy dandy toy, not to mention the fact that it can really get on someone's nerves to have Rich yell at the top of his lungs at you via megaphone. Really, it's not necessary. This job, much as job one, has its risks of security busting a cap in your ass, but if you do your job right, they won't be beating you with the megaphone in the end.

Job requirements:

See first requirement for Head Smacker Position.

Be able to wrestle the megaphone away from Rich WITHOUT hurting him.

Be able to allow him to have some fun but know when it's time to take away Mister Megaphone

Pay: $30,000

3. Video Game Confiscator. This one is a bit tricky. But, so they're not wasting time on the silly things, sometimes you will have to hide the video games from them to force them to get to work. If they can't find the games, they can't play the games so they'll have no choice but to work. Nifty, huh? I think every mother across America has tried that trick to get kids to do homework or chores. I'm not sure if it works, but hey, if you can get paid for it, why not?

Job requirements:

Must be good at hiding things.

Must be good at staying tight lipped.

Must be fast to run away from angry band members.

Pay: $20,000

4. Coffee Maker/Tea Maker. This one is key. Paired up with Megaphone Confiscator, the faster you make the beverage of Rich and co.'s choice, the less we have to hear Rich scream into a megaphone. Although it's pretty damn funny to listen to him yell, I don't think it makes either job easier. So, to make it easier on yourself in this job, make the damn TEA. It'll solve the entire problem. Hey, your only risks in this job happen to be getting pounded by the Megaphone Confiscator or screamed at Rich for not understanding banana when you bring out an orange!

Job requirements:

Must be able to make coffee/tea.

Must be able to run fast.

Must be polite so not to anger Filter or Megaphone Confiscator.

Pay: $20,000

So, if you're looking for a job in the near future, here's four you can look into. Although, I don't think you'd get the pay if any! But wouldn't it be nice! Gotta love fake jobs. They're always so much more fun than your lame ass real ones. Really.